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It feels like warm summer day with radiant beams of sunshine heating up the shoulders of my future. I’m graduating from college and the prospect of taking the next step of life glorifies this almost holy day my eyes. Unfortunately the rays of sunshine are made of pyrite and the beams of lights are burning holes in my proverbial wallet . Any cash flow I obtain in the next twenty years will be funneled like the last collegiate party beverage.

If there’s something that we will certainly never forget, it’s that college tuition PISSES US alllll the way OFF! The price of tuition for the average educational institution is obscene and by far outpaces the rate of inflation. Everyone knows how much tuition costs so I’ll save the graphs and charts describing the ancillary facts, the point is it’s damn near insane.

The reason we all attend higher education establishments is not to obtain a skill set or to improve on lacking attributes, it is to gain acceptance by the economic realm in which we attempt to penetrate upon graduation. The best part of it is, when you graduate and you look for “entry level” jobs, you are told the same thing by everyone, “you have to put your time in”. And putting this time in consists of shredding papers, running errands, and filing paperwork for the higher level employees. I understand that I can’t just jump in a company and change the world, but I also don’t think I need a bachelor degree to perform clerical tasks. Don’t require me to do so.

I have also been told by several higher level employees that you don’t learn anything about your job from collegiate experiences and classes. And this is for damn sure true. I am very happy with what I learned in college, 95% social, 5% applicable to what I actually went to study for. Did I learn a lot about myself? Hell Yeah! Did I learn a lot of about my chosen industry? Well… no. I will be able to recoup the investment I made in college because I chose a more lucrative major, but good luck to all of my arts friends.

To recap after we complete our educational endeavors we still have to do work we could’ve done at the age of 12 and we also didn’t learn anything from our classes to aid us in our transition to the real world. We need to view our logic as that and take the next step, viewing educational establishments for what they are: Businesses! And I think it’s about time we made decisions on higher education like we would for businesses. It should be no surprise that although they may be “state institutions”, you better bet the president of your local state school is making a hell of a lot of money. But enough of why I am so pissed off, I could go for days, here’s some solutions:

Real Solutions:

1) Instead of forcing a large portion of “general education” classes, allow the students to have the option to take more classes that they desire to focus on.

2) Compensation must be required for internships so students can afford to learn what the world desires

3) Work your A$$ off in high school so you don’t have to pay a dime for college!

4) Require part of coursework to apply to real world problems that aren’t just theoretical adaptations to a professors thesis.

Not as Real Solutions:

1) Open up an illegal barbershop in your dorm

2) Sell steroids outside of your local gym

3) Turn your dorm into a restaurants with white linen tablecloths and serve alcohol (…only to people of appropriate age)

4) Sell your dorm furniture on Ebay and buy a cheaper set from Ikea

5) Learn to cut hair become a barber at school (speaking from experience)

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